Gardaí and FSAI have successfully saved Halloween after capturing mastermind behind Ireland’s cannabis candy epidemic

Gardaí recovered thousands of bars of cannabis laced chocolate bars yesterday in what sources describe as “one of the most unusual drug seizures” in recent times. They have since released a statement saying that “kids candies are once again safe after the mastermind behind the operation was captured along with his minions”

Armed officers were involved in the major search of the Cranmore area of Sligo on Wednesday in which a convicted drug dealer was arrested before being released without charge. Frank Feighan minister with responsibility for the national drug strategy had this to say when questioned “Drugs are bad m’kay. Dont do drugs kids, m’kay” he then proceeded to fold his arms and demanded his photo be taken. 

“Job Done Lads” is what Stephen Donnelly had to say about Irelands cannabis candy epidemic

“This was a planned operation which cost the state in excess of €100 million to execute. The funds were taken from the budget of the mental health services” Officers have still not established the exact value of the seized bars but it is estimated to be at least €10,000,000,000,000

“Information has come in that these bars are very popular with some students based in Sligo town,” a senior source said. Another senior source said  with this seizure “the War on drugs has been won, the devils lettuce will no longer cause people to question their governments intentions and my investments in Jazz Pharma and Tilray will be worth so much more”

The drug dealer was arrested at the scene after gardai gave chase down river made of deadly cannabis laced drinking chocolate. They intercepted the suspect as he and his minions tried to escape through an inter dimensional tunnel on a giant paddle boat.

International cannabis candy crime gang now behind bars made of steel rather than chocolate

A recent Cannabis edible task force which was established to investigate these cannabis sweet gangs has since been tasked to target dangerous burglary gangs . A member of the task force said “I much rather be after those cannabis criminals , they were such easy targets. Now I have to actually go and do some real investigative work in order to get some results.”